Vampire Squid: Wall Street’s Unkillable Nightmare
Jesus. 2008. You remember? Absolute bloodbath. Jobs? Gone. Homes? Gone. Retirement? Poof. And smack in the middle? Goldman Sachs. Grinning. Matt Taibbi saw that grin. His 2009 Rolling Stone piece? Nuclear. Called Goldman a “vampire squid wrapped around humanity’s face… jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money.” Boom. Felt like he cracked America’s skull open and screamed what we all felt.
How You Get Branded a Bloodsucker
Forget the spin. Goldman didn’t survive the crash. They ate it alive. The recipe? Simple. Evil.
- They built landmines. Took subprime trash – loans destined to explode – stuffed ‘em into fancy packages called CDOs. Slapped “AAA” stickers on ‘em. Lipstick on a rotting pig.
- Sold the damn landmines. Pushed this radioactive garbage on pensions. Towns. Sucker investors. Pocketed billions in fees. Commission on catastrophe.
- Then BET ON THE BANG. Quietly. While telling clients CDOs were “safe,” Goldman traders shorted the housing market. Bought swaps – bets against the shit they were peddling.
- Kaboom. Market cratered. Clients? Wiped out. Goldman? Cashed their bets. Billions more.
- The insult? They snatched $10 BILLION in TARP bailouts. Your cash. Stayed afloat. Then? Paid it back FAST so they could drop RECORD BONUSES on execs. Half a million bucks average. For burning the world down.
Parasites? Hell yeah. Squid? Perfect. Sucking the life while the body bleeds out.
Why “Vampire Squid” Tattooed Itself on Goldman
Lotsa banks got hate. Why this stuck? ‘Cause it wasn’t just Goldman. That squid became the bloody flag of the whole rigged game:
- Heads they win. Tails you lose. Privatize the profits. Socialize the goddamn wreckage. Your taxes mop their blood.
- The Golden Revolving Door. Goldman guys own D.C. Hank Paulson? Goldman CEO one day… Bush’s Treasury Secretary the next. Handing his old pals bailout billions. Stunk like a backroom deal. ‘Cause it was.
- Two planets. Wall Street popping Dom Pérignon. Main Street eating cat food in a foreclosed living room.
That image? Stuck because it was real. A pale, slimy thing choking the world while it fed. People felt that. In their guts.
From Magazine Burn to Global Scream
Flash to 2011. Occupy Wall Street explodes. Zuccotti Park. And everywhere? VAMPIRE SQUID SIGNS. Spray paint. Memes. It went viral. Stopped being Goldman’s shame. Became the universal middle finger to the whole rotten machine.
Even overseas. Denmark got gut-punched when Goldman led the buyout of Dong Energy – their state-owned power company. Streets flooded. Their weapon? SQUID SIGNS. The metaphor bled everywhere. Rage has no borders.
2024: The Squid’s Still Hungry
Goldman despises this name. They tried everything:
- PR Circus: Donations! Ethics panels! Ads with happy diverse faces! “Look how nice we are!”
- Fines? Paid $550 MILLION (2010) for the “Abacus” scam – another CDO designed TO FAIL so a hedge fund pal could cash out. Lunch money.
- Talk: “Less risk!” “Transparency!” (Reality? Lol).
Scrape off the PR glitter:
- Pay? Still filthy. 2023 average haul: $388,000. CEO David Solomon? $31 MILLION. For… what?
- Profits? Obscene. Q1 2024: $4.13 BILLION. While you sweat rent.
- Power? That D.C. door? Spins like a damn tornado. Ex-Goldmanites infest the Fed. Treasury. White House. Writing rules for their old crew.
- New sins? 1MDB. Goldman helped loot $6.5 BILLION from Malaysia. From a fund meant for the poor. Their taste? $600 MILLION. Got busted? Paid a $5 BILLION fine. Parking ticket. Business rolls on.
They’re stealthier. Slicker. But the core’s the same: Cook up complex schemes. Hide the poison. Collect monster fees. When it implodes? You bail ‘em out. They walk. Fines? Just receipts.
Example: Paid a $5 BILLION fine. Parking ticket.
Why the Squid’s Still Swimming in Your Head
15 goddamn years. Why won’t this ugly thing die?
- It’s True. Finance ain’t building shit half the time. It’s extraction. The squid fits.
- Nothing. Changed. Banks got fatter. Bailouts? Still implied. Inequality? Vertical. The game’s still tilted.
- History Farts. Silicon Valley Bank implodes? Credit Suisse melts down? Fed rides in. Squid vibes echo. “Too big to fail” ain’t dead. It’s hibernating.
- It Feels Right. Naming the beast helps. “Vampire Squid” cuts through Wall Street’s bullshit fog. It’s ours.
Every inflation spike. Every pink slip. Every crooked deal – it whispers: Remember 2008. Remember who won. Remember the squid.
Last Gasp
Taibbi’s “vampire squid” lives because it’s street truth. It gave words to the fury at a machine that eats while pretending to feed us. Goldman can gild its tower. Fund fancy think tanks. Hire actors for ads. Doesn’t erase it.
Deep down, in the bones of everyone who got played? That cold, pale thing waits. Watching. Hungry for the next bubble. The next chance to shove its funnel in.
Until we torch the system?
The squid feeds.
We pay.
Always.
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